Change.....

You know, I love fall. I really do. But with the turning of the leaves lately, I have been reminded of all the twists and turns our lives have taken over the years. It's really crazy if you think about it. When I lived in Mullan, all I wanted to do was get out of there. Then when I went to Boise, all I really wanted to do was go "home". Where was home? I think I am finally understanding where "home" was to me. It wasn't necessarily Mullan. It was the place where my memories became real. It was the place my family was. It was the place we all gathered on Thanksgiving, on Christmas, and other special occasions, or even just because. It was were I learned the meaning of family, and the meaning of "togetherness". It makes me sad that all of that had to change. When my parents decided to move from Mullan, I was the only one who was not happy with the change. Even though I didn't live there in that house anymore. Even though I didn't even live in that town anymore. Even though it was really up to THEM to make the choice to stay or go. But as my parents left that house, I stayed here in my house, as I new I would fall apart to have to "leave" that place where my memories began. And every time I drive by that house, every single night in my dreams, I get pulled back to all those years ago, when we were together as a family. Together opening presents with my grandma before she died, together with my grandpa, before he aged, together with my uncle, listening to him laugh, together with my parents, who were actually "together", not apart. I do know that we can't go back. I do know that this is just how life is. I do know that for the most part I am really blessed. But I just miss being "that" family. I miss the way we were. I miss what I grew up being a part of. And because I was a part of that, I have always wanted to show Danielle how it can be, how it should be, and how it was, when we were together. So, I am hoping this holiday season, that when I call or email our friends and families invitations to come together, instead of being too busy, instead of being alone, instead of passing up the chance to get together, they will say "yes". They will come along with us, and celebrate this beautiful season. This season of change.